Cleaning and High Need Babies

As mothers, we want a safe and cleanly environment for our children. This is very important to us, and it seems even more important when we are all home inside all day and can see the dust collecting. The issue is, when you are sore, tired and attached to the baby, you don't feel like you can get these things done.

Naturally, you all probably did what I did....search the internet. Of course this was no help as everyone has the same suggestions - do it when the baby naps, put the baby in the swing, put the baby in a sling. I have to admit I tried it all, and none of it worked. Aria sleeps on me for naps, so that doesn't work. Plus, even now I nap when she does sometimes because she still wakes up every couple of hours to eat. She hates the swing for more than five minutes, so that idea was out. Lastly, the sling didn't work for me because she is right in the center of my body and my arms just couldn't reach around her. Perhaps it is because I am a whopping 5 feet tall, or maybe it's because I have a traditional baby carrier, not an actual sling, but either way, I couldn't do what I needed.

What worked for me was simply not doing anything during the day until Aria could play on the floor long enough for me to do anything. I would then do my tidying when my husband got home, or he would do some of it. That is how we started. I would bring her playmat in the room of the house I wanted to clean and put her on the floor with toys. I would do as much as I could while she was down there until she cried and screamed. As she has gotten older, I can do more. When she was around 4 months old, I put her in the jumperoo. Yep, I drag that crazy thing around the house. Keep in mind we are apartment dwellers, so no stairs were involved, be careful out there if you try this. Now, I just put her in the walker. This allows me 20 sometimes 30 minutes of time to get things done because she explores the rooms as I clean them. In fact, one of her favorite things to do is have her daddy hold her while I do dishes at night.

I do want to say, getting to where I am has taken a lot of time, patience and even some tears and near breakdowns. Getting to clean the house is only half successful now to be honest. Thirty minutes isn't a long time to clean, but it is a huge success from where I started. I suffered tremendous guilt from not being to do household duties since I was home with the baby. However, it took some time and strength to recognize that my husband understood. It wasn't like he didn't see how difficult the baby was to keep busy. I think I put more pressure on myself. So, hang in there and don't forget to leave questions or email me about ideas or your suggestions. I am not one of those success stories coming back to tell you what all worked for me. I am still going through this every day. 

My 10 Must Haves for Succeeding with a High Need Baby

1. Two loving arms to rock and hold that baby.
2. A big heart to love he/she unconditionally.
3. Tons of patience
4. An unconditionally loving support system.
5. The recognition that this is hard, and that is okay.
6. A breakthrough point where you finally realize you are succeeding and not fumbling through.
7. A rocking chair, sling, swing, or the muscles to rock the baby for hours.
8. The understanding that you will do whatever it takes to make your baby content regardless of what others say about your methods. 
9. Enough self esteem to shrug of judgemental comments and those ridiculous theories of what you did wrong.  
10. Identification of the line you will not cross after hours of searching the internet for answers that are not there. 

You Must Reflect

Life is confusing, it's scary one minute and predictable the next. It seems to me that at times in life we feel it has slowed enough to have a vast amount of space to think and reflect. These are the creative times. The nights when we suddenly become a seamstress or a writer. These are the sparks in life. Then there are the soul crushing days when our flame has been dulled by other's rules or judgements or even our own thoughts. These days we wish we could heal ourselves through change, but instead find ourselves in ruts. Then, we wake up one day and realize how much time has gone by and wonder who we are? These are the teaching moments that remind us to take risks, stand proud, avoid compromising ourselves and breathe.

I think that is so important to remember when parenting. We don't want to miss out on the development of our children. Therefore, we have to make sure we keep ourselves healthy and in the now. I realized that the other day. My baby is already six months old, and I need to enjoy every moment I am home with her. She grows and changes with every moment that goes by and one day these days will be memories. The last thing I want to do is resent my feelings or forget the great moments because I was stressed out or not trying to research what I could do to fix things.

I think that is easier said than done with a high need baby. It is easy to get lost in the desperation and panic when you are on little sleep with sore shoulders and no more entertaining ideas. Here are some ideas I think will help.

1. Talk to your pediatrician or even your doctor. My doctor recommended a resource line to speak with someone. Regardless of whether it is post partum depression or just having some difficulty managing, you shouldn't have to feel alone. The nice thing I have found with this consultant is that she listens to some of the things I am going through and can provide some outside unbiased opinions of what to try.
2. Talk to a friend. Sometimes speaking to someone without kids is very helpful. I'm not suggesting you tell them what is going on because they will never understand, but let them talk to you about being a mother. A lot of times they will compliment you or just give you a chance to think about a different perspective of life. That is sometimes nice to have that mental vacation or feel good about being a mom. The issue should never be that you feel like a bad mom for having a baby that needs you. It is the issue that sometimes we get overwhelmed by it.
3. Do the one thing that calms the baby so you can think. Aria hates the swing and the car seat, but she has generally been okay in the sling/carrier or the stroller. I go for a long walk every day so I can just reflect on things. I have found that it keeps me feeling calmer. 
4. IF there is someone else the baby behaves with, pass the baby off and take a bath or do something you enjoy doing. Even if it is doing your nails or reading a magazine, just remember you were a person before the baby, so you deserve to feel like one with the baby.